Lunchtime

It all happened in the lunchroom. Hod was busy working on his computer, poetry and sonnets coming unbidden into his thoughts. It was a couple of weeks before school let out, so almost 4 months since his birthday. Hod was of course sitting next to David who was of course sitting with the rest of the school. Hod could hear Clair and one of her friends close by chatting and giggling but he didn’t pay much attention to them. Well not until Clair started talking about William he didn’t.

It wasn’t unusual for Clair to be near, during their freshman year she had even gone out with David, and even though that didn’t last long they stayed really good friends and so was constantly around. This also helped the rumor that David and Clair were still and item. And really who wouldn’t think that? The most popular girl and boy in school that have dated and are constantly with each other, you would think they were still going out too. Hod really didn’t mind, besides their arguments Clair was nice to have around. Hod liked how she was forward and honest with everyone as well as being nice and diplomatic. It was refreshing to not have someone that teased him or was overly careful around him.

            “So he is the one that convinced you to stop cheerleading and modeling and do business stuff and be the school treasurer instead?” Said Clair friend. She had a very high voice and Hod thought she sounded like a valley girl and so instantly cataloged her as one of Clair’s Cheerleading friends.

It was true that Clair had quit cheerleading and told the modeling agencies she worked for that she was done being a pretty face and selling things for them. It seemed that almost no one could stop talking about it for a month, actually people were still talking about it. Hod didn’t get it at first why everyone was making such a big fuss over the whole thing. Hod actually felt proud of Clair for making that decision and using her mind. Hod new that Clair was really pretty by the way guys acted around her. Which was usually to pick on Hod or act tough. But Hod still didn’t understand it all until David explained it to him one day.

*

“So what’s the big deal? Why does everyone seem so obsessed that Clair quit Cheerleading and Modeling?” Hod asked David one day in one of those moments they were alone in the student council room together. “Even the Teachers are talking all the time about it.”

There was a moment of long silence before David answered him. “Hod I know that beauty and the way you see the world is a little different from most people. Because of that you have a very unique perspective. I also know that you know the concept of physical beauty from all your poems and stories. So just imagine all the writings about beautiful women, now times them by ten, and you might get close to what Clair looks like. Now out of a School with a lot of very beautiful girls, and Hod we have a lot of them, Clair is the Prettiest hands down.”

*

“No he didn’t tell me to quit modeling and cheerleading. That was my own decision. What he did was give me some advice.” Clair said.

“Well what did he say?” Cheerleader voice replied.

“William said ‘This above all; to thin own self be true’ and ‘God has given you one face, you make yourself another’” Clair responded. Clair went on to tell about how nice William was. How he understood her. How he was always there for her. How he always knew what to say, and how he would send her cute little love poems.

Hod felt like someone had just electrocuted him. He felt numb. He was shocked, dumbfounded, he couldn’t move. William, that was his name, those were the words he had sent as advice to Elizabeth. It was hard for him to breath his mind was working so fast and yet at the same time not at all.

It was Clair, Elizabeth was Clair! How could it be Clair? Why did it have to be Clair? Popular socially correct Clair. She would never even think about going out with Hod. That kind of future just wasn’t in the cards. Why did this have to happen? It seemed like every time he found a girl something irremovable was in the way. First it was Anne and now it was Clair.

Waves of cold flowed through the lunch room. Students started to rub their arms at the sudden appearance of goose bumps. Hod reached up and brushed a frozen tear away from his eye. He stood up slowly and he could feel people looking at him. He turned to where he had heard Clair and the Cheerleader talking. He closed his laptop with a loud snap. “You know you shouldn’t talk to strangers on the internet. They might be dangerous or just not who they say they are.”

Hod didn’t really know what happened after that. He wasn’t really paying attention. He left the lunchroom and somehow went throughout his day in true zombie like fashion. When his mind and body actually decided to work together he was in his room lying on the bed. He decided to check his email where there was a letter waiting for him from Elizabeth. Simply put she wanted to know who he was and more about him to make sure he wasn’t some fake. Hod didn’t answer right away. How could he tell her who he was and risk never being able to talk like this with her again. It would crush him, he hadn’t noticed how attached he’d grown.

Hod spent the next couple of days working out hard in the Dojo, trying to get his thoughts straight. Finally after a couple of days he answered her. He told her that he was real that he couldn’t tell her who he was right now but that shortly she would know. He told her that he was going through some stuff that he had to figure out and asked Elisabeth for time. She agreed and they went back to writing back and forth. Hod however made a vow with himself that at the beginning of the nest school year he would tell her who he was.

 It is not in the stars to hold our destinies but in ourselves. This became his mantra and he did everything he could to spend time and get to know Clair. Hod began to actually absorb everything he could about her. He memorized her voice. The way she walked. He started to purposefully start conversations with her to find out who she was. It became exciting it became real. The more Hod was around her the more he became attached. The more his feeling grew.

So that’s how Hod found himself about a month after school started in a little Café, waiting for Clair.

Sitting in the café, alone, the smell of coffee and pastries thick in the air. So thick he almost couldn’t smell the soft scent of the rose in front of him. He touched the rose feeling its velvet petals. The prickle of the spiny leafs. He wondered if it was beautiful. He wondered if she would like it. He had had to have help by the casher. She had said it was a beautiful red rose, the prettiest one they had. Sometimes it was hard to trust people. Especially when it was something so important to him.

The chime of the little bell over the door rang as someone walked in. Hod sat up straight without meaning to, he wanted to laugh he wanted to throw up at the same time. He couldn’t tell how his stomach had so much room for whale sized butterflies and elephants to march through accompanied by a band of bears and giants. It happened each time he heard that bell the announcer of doom the bringer of his salvation. Hod took a deep breath, it wasn’t her. The footsteps proclaimed that they were wearing a loafer type shoe. Definitely not her, she would never wear something like that. Hod let out the breath he had been holding. It came out as a long sigh. He sat there every once in a while touching the rose to make sure it was there.  Sitting there waiting… waiting.

The bell rang and the click of high heels entered the Café. Hod thought his back might break from how hard he was sitting up straight. The high heels hesitated and then slowly made their way toward where Hod sat. As soon as she got close there was no mistaking that it was her. The slight clip to her walk, the way the air hummed. She came and stood beside his table, and now there was no mistaking it was her. This close he could smell her perfume a rich and intoxicating array of scents, and underneath that was her own unique scent a wholesome earthy and metallic scent.

Hod waited, his heart trying to beat out of his chest. His stomach was so knotted up he could barely breath. He waited and she stood there not saying a word just stood there. A minute went by then two and then five, it felt like hooks were in his back slowly pulling him apart. Finaly he couldn’t take it anymore and he turned to speak to her. Hod never got a chance, as soon as he turned to her she turned and run. Her pace picking up until she was out the door and all that was left was the sound of the bell ringing against his broken soul.

Hod’s back ached, he was back in the present leaning against the student council room door. He had expected her to yell at him. Or just say something. He expected to be made fun of at school, but no one seemed to know anything about it. She was probably too ashamed to have found out it was him. The few times that they had found themselves together since then were awkward and tension filled. Eventually one of them would leave. Ever since that night Elizabeth and William hadn’t spoken to each other either.

Hod sighed. He couldn’t concentrate. All he could think about was her. It was time for him to leave. He took out his seeing stick from it holster and undid it, straightening it out into its long rod. As he was about to find his way out of the library he heard David make a comment about not being able to find the money that everyone always seemed to need

            “Hahaha, David you’re so funny!” Clair said in a giggle. Hod stopped in his tracks. Cold sweat breaking out all over his body. That was Clair’s voice, but that was not Clair.